April 15, 2004

Dog Day afternoon -- and on and on it went

I heard some of you had been worrying about me, but then that might just be what I heard. I looked around at the comments and such, and I seen very few signs anyone even missed me being around. So, does anyone want to know where I have been? OK, since you are all silent, I am going to tell the story just for the sake of that poor little homeless girl who emailed in from the public library. I was incarcerated.

Yes, I just spent almost the last 36 hours in the local hound pound. It was a set up, I am sure. You see, there I was in the back yard minding my own business, just napping in the sun when this aroma hits my highly sensitive nose. It was definitely female and it was definitely a female craving some male attention. I am not sure you humans can understand this, but us dogs have an uncanny sense about such things. Of course, I in the backyard surrounded by fences, but I ran over and peeked through the cracks between the boards to catch sight of this little French poodle number. She looked my way, and I know she knew I was watching, because she started shaking that cropped tail just ever so friskily and carrying her nose in the air. She was showing that canine disdain that says Sorry buster, you just are not of my class. Still, I watched, mesmerized by that lithe canine form until she turned the corner and went out of my sight. I ran quickly to the gate so as to get a better look through the big crack between the gate and the fence, and as fate would have it, when I jumped up on the gate to peek through the biggest hole, the gate opened. I was free.

I quickly ran to the little frisky French number but she saw me coming and ran away. I thought she was just playing hard to get so I pursued. I had nearly caught her when I heard a human call out "Monique" and she darted off around another corner. I, of course, kept in hot pursuit. As I turned the corner, I saw her run between two human legs through an partially opened door into some unknown habitat. I dared not venture farther.

I decided to take up watch and did so, parking myself on the sidewalk in front of this habitat awaiting the time when Miss Monique would again come through that door. I was sure what with that aroma of need that she emitted, she would venture forth at the earliest opportunity. I guess I must have let my mind drift too much into the thoughts of what misdeeds in which Miss Monique and I might engage upon the very next opportunity and failed to notice as the local law enforcement personnel came up behind me and arrested me for stalking. I had done nothing but sit there and watch the door, but here I was accused of stalking. It was unfair, I tell you.

I was taken to the pokey and thrown into a cell with a black Labrador with some really bad breath. I was deprived of my right to a phone call and the food was horrible. I think it was that Ol' Roy stuff they sell at Walmart. Have you ever tasted that stuff. It isn't fit for a dog. Anyway, thank goodness I was wearing my neckware with my identification, because they eventually were able to contact our unnamed human benefactor who arranged my release.

Pretty sad situation, I know. I still think it was a set up. I think that French bitch planned the whole thing. I never did trust those French.

Posted by Bill Bulldog at April 15, 2004 08:36 PM
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